Chris McCausland could have been a spy, but he’s more than happy being a stand-up comedian.

“I applied to MI5 to be a spy, but didn’t get in because of my complete lack of sight, which is fair enough,” said the Liverpudlian on asked what he would be if he wasn’t one of the country’s most-loved comics.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have tried stand-up if I got the MI5 job. A real-life Scouse James Bond.

“But in terms of stand-up, I’ve always been a massive fan,” said the Strictly Come Dancing winner.

“I tried it, just as a bucket list dare to myself, but it became a hobby, then a job, and here we are now.”

Having taken to the stage in Woking and Guildford in recent months, Chris is heading down to the A3 to Petersfield on September 11 for a highly-anticipated Stitches Comedy Club show at Festival Hall.

It’s quite a coup for the East Hampshire town given McCausland is one of the UK’s most in-demand comedians, with tickets selling out for many of his shows on his recent Yonks tour.

He chose ‘Yonks’ because he likes the word, but also because it sums up his amazement at being in the stand-up business for more than 20 years.

“I think I’ve earned my comedy stripes,” said Chris, who has been called an “overnight success” despite making his debut in Balham in 2003.

“One of the first TV things I did was a Cbeebies TV thing for tiny tots called, rather unfortunately, Me Too!

“On the last tour I had fully grown adults coming up to me and telling me how they used to watch me on TV when they were one of those tiny little kids.

“How old to you think that made me feel?”

Chris accepts his last tour was “pretty personal” as he delved into his experiences of being blind, a husband, and doing parenting in the dark. He’s gone “old school” this time with musings on Arnie, Jesus, AI and doughnuts, and breakdowns on why he hates Shakespeare and the humble turnip. What?

“I’m a 47-year-old man and I realised last year that I’ve never bought and cooked my own turnip, so I went out and got one.

“I have honestly never encountered a vegetable that so refused to be cut into pieces. It’s the most resistant vegetable ever.”

The panel show regular has softer feelings towards Paul Gascoigne, however, as Chris and the England legend became friends after appearing on 2023 reality TV show, Scared of the Dark.

“Gazza is the main one I bonded with but we’ve all kept in touch on WhatApp,” said Chris.

“In 1990 he was the best footballer in the world, and he’s so sweet, he wears his heart on his sleeve.

“But I also had a feel of Chris Eubank’s muscles. He feels like he's been carved out of marble.”

A limited number of tickets are available for the Petersfield show from https://www.thefestivalhall.co.uk/whats-on/